YUIー未来の自分へ
以前撮影させて頂いたご縁でお知り合いだったYUIちゃん、なんとlockdown４日前あたりにニューヨーク上陸！そんな色々持っている彼女w が初回のコラボレーションに快くご協力してくれました
かなり盛りだくさんな内容ですが頑張ってまとめます
この初のリモート撮影は今年4月23日だった。そう、彼女が１ヶ月滞在したニューヨーク最後の日をあえて選択してくれた。結果、３時間ものセッションで楽しく、また深〜い話をシェアしてくれた彼女にありがとう。
まず撮影を始めるに当たって今回記録する自分を誰に伝えたいか、残したいか、という質問をさせてもらったところ”未来の自分”と答えてくれたYUIちゃん。その言葉には重要な意味とパワーがある事が後々わかるのでお楽しみに。
自撮り・写真
日頃自撮りをしているYUIちゃんですが、自撮りをする時のモットーは” 将来のために今の自身を残していく”
未来の自分のために自分がどういう顔を今現在しているのかを知らせるために残す
だから、彼女はニューヨーク最終日というかなり気持ちに動きの出る日を選んだのだと言う、私ならばたばたして最終日になんて余裕がないと思う…w
さらに、自分を写真に残す事を始めた最初のきっかけを聞くと、数年前に自分の感情の波が激しいと感じた時にその瞬間の様々な表情を残して置きたいという気持ちから始めたという。
こんなに自らのありのままを見つめられる人間はいるだろうか...
若いのに感心してしまうほど客観視ができていて素敵な女性YUIの魅了をここでも思い知らされる
ステイホーム in NY
“自分は物を作る事が以外に好きだと気がつく”
始めは料理を作る事でその欲を満たしていたけれど、自撮りの写真のコラージュを始める
今まで自撮りはしていたものの、このコラージュというプロセスを挟む事で自撮りに加えて新しくクリエイティブな自分の作品を作る事の喜びを見つけたように感じるという
さらにステイホーム中、今の自分でいいのか、どこにいるべきなのかを考えたという（私も同じく）それで気がついた事は東京では無いという事
彼女の言葉は東京に飽きただったけど、私の見解は東京は卒業して次のステップの幕開け
だから、彼女は別の場所としてニューヨークを選んだのでは？と思う
この旅で久々に上京した時のような”青さを感じるという” 邦画の”ブルー”のようなそんな感覚だと本人は語る
“恩返しはしなくていいから恩送りを”
”不安定な場所が好き”
ニューヨークにいる今の感情は ”ブルー” 青い気分、１０代の青さみたいな、不安定感を久々に感じている
あの時の感じに憧れる、１０代の勢いとか、大人になると消えていってしまうあの儚い感情を追いかけるのが好き
キラキラして、ちょっと痛々しくて
”不安定な場所が好き” 安定する事が怖い
安定した瞬間に自分が満足して、全てがここで終わると考えると怖い
この彼女の不思議というか繊細な感覚が大好きでずっと見ていたいと思ってしまう...
向上心が強く、落ち着いたところには自身をおかず、もしそう感じた時は他の場所に身を置いてみる。
未来の自分へのメッセージ
今の自分を伝えたい未来の自分とはどのくらい先なのかと聞くと… １ヶ月、２ヶ月先という以外に近い未来であった。
理由はある日突然後ろを振り返った時に意外とやったな！と思える事が彼女の中では重要その時がいつ来るかわからないから、いつきても良いように”常に新しい自分でいたい”
そしてそれをずっと続けていたい
ゴールを常に定めている彼女にとっては次の目標も明確で、着実にそれを達成し、次のステップへと前進していく事が日常である。そんな人間のもつ未来の自分へのビジョンへの期待と好奇心でこんな質問をしてみた。
日本に帰った時の未来の自分へ：
”落ちてもいいけど死ぬなよ！”
＊この次の日に帰国する彼女は１４日間の自粛隔離生活をする予定
２ヶ月以降の自分へ：
”今の自分が想像できない場所にいてと欲しいと思う”
一年後そしてその先へ：
ニューヨークリベンジ！新しく変わった街を自分の目で確認、そして２年後、３年後にはこの街に住んでいたい
今の心境
久々に夢ができて嬉しいし、楽しみ
彼女の向上心と一生懸命な生き方が素敵でこれからも彼女の変動や感情を撮り続けて行けたらなぁと思わせられるそんな貴重な時に女性に出会えて私は幸せである
最後に
そんな彼女は本当に常に人には助けられているという。そしてその方達に恩返ししないと死ねないといつも思っていたけどある日
上の人に
”恩返しはしなくていいから恩送りをしなさい、自分の次の世代にやってもらった事をちゃんと伝え、残していけばいい” と言われたという
私から見たらそんなあなただからみんなが手を差し伸べたいと思うのだ、そして、こういった素敵な言葉を伝え残してくれたのだと思う
そんな事を言える大人になって行けたらという願い、そして彼女の人柄はこういった言葉を常に意識しながら生きているらこそ形成されていてそれが魅力となっているのだなぁと感じたのでこの素敵なメッセージをここにシェアさせて頂きます。
Yuiちゃん本当にありがとう。これから続いていく成長日記／私たちのセッションが楽しみです！
これからも末長くよろしく
Lina
FOLLOW Her World:
Instagram:@yui_fjwr5_
Film: “Blue”
Yui-- ”to future self”
Yui came to NYC just 4 days before the city had announced the lockdown. I suggested her to reconsider coming and push back this trip if possible but she’d made up her mind so I said to her, why not see the city in its abnormal state.
We met a few years ago at a photo shoot and I immediately felt this special quality in her. In general, finding someone who owns their opinions and philosophy is hard to find in Japan but I saw that in her. That is one of many good qualities you will see in her which is reflected through images that she creates whether or not she is the photographer or the model. Photography does show many things within one frame like the emotional distance between the photographer and the subject, mood of the person, atmosphere, and such. She is definitely aware of all of those elements and knows how to deliver the message through the whole process.
This is why I wanted her to be a part of this project, and also because she is one of many women that I respect and adore.
Every session I will be asking individuals to decide who they would like to deliver a message to through this session. So I did the same to Yui and she has decided that this will be for her future self.
Self Discovery
As we spoke about how this quarantine has affected her, she tells me she has discovered how much she loves creating something for the sake of leaving a footprint of her being and to feel how she was feeling in the moment. That is why she started her self-portrait project about 2 years ago with her film camera.
Today, she started doing collages with her self-portrait as an extension of the ongoing project. The process of collaging allows her to be more objective of herself and mentions that it’s almost therapeutic to take the moment to look back on how she was feeling while shooting.
One of the things that I feel intrigued about her is that she likes to shoot in all of her emotions; happy, mad, sad, confused, etc. She feels the need to record all these emotions in raw forms to remember her path. It is interesting to discover how much she is interested in how she has been living her past and how truthful she wants it to exist in this lifetime.
It is rare to find a person who is vulnerable to display and see themselves as raw as they can be. It could be so much easier not to confront their negative self and emotions, than seeing and revealing everything. Instead, she tries to see everything, not denying what has been happening emotionally and physically. I feel that this is an extreme example of truly embracing yourself by accepting who you are. This is why she is such a grounded person at such a young age. Her being magnifies people and we immediately want to get to know her.
Constant Reminder
It seems that she is constantly reminding herself how she is living and feeling. That is rare for most of us to do (or at least for me it is). This thought brought up a question to ask: “How far in THE FUTURE self is she thinking of?” She reveals to me that it is about 1 - 2 months from now… I was so surprised to find out it is such a near future since most of us will probably say about 5 to 10 years. No?
She says she checks herself almost every 1-2 months and wants to make sure that she can look back and pat herself on the back and say you`ve done something! Not necessarily a great job but to feel okay about herself.
How many people can say that I have done something in the past 10 years??? I say, she has infinite possibilities and a bright future to come!
Then, I said when do you rest? Right???
She goes, she is resting all the time. I realized that it is such a natural part of her life which it does not exhaust her.
Yui has been living her life this way for at least a decade and it is obvious, without a doubt, that this is the factor in achieving her goals at such a young age, especially for her to know which way she is going in life. No wonder that she is finished with TOKYO and ready to move on.
She initially told me the reason why she wanted to see NYC was because she got bored of Tokyo but I say it is time for her to move on to the next stage of her life.
It is interesting to see that she has no clue how this routine has led her life realistically and surely in the past and it will continue doing so even though she feels uncertain at some point in her life. This connects the dot of why her word of choice regarding TOKYO was “bored” and it tells me the uncertainty of her state of mind but when she talks about her future she is super sure about her life. She sets her goal and works towards the goal no matter what.
State of Mind
I also asked her what movie is a fit for today's emotional state, knowing that she watches lots of movies
She began talking about this Japanese Movie “Blue.” It's about this teenage girl who is ambitious at the same time having this murkiness in emotions. She likes the uncomfortableness of how she felt as a teenager in adolescence and is still looking for that fresh and bitter kind of place to be.
Quarantine actually gave Yui similar emotions since she is in transition and having this whole time to think about herself and the future. However, she says loves this uncertainty and emotional rollercoaster kind of feeling.
After hearing this, I felt that she just wants to keep growing and doesn't want to be stuck in a comfort zone so she decides to move on to the next thing when she has no more space to grow.
I think Yui is a hard worker, though she does not present herself that way. She knows that she can do better so she pushes herself if it even means that she has to move across the ocean to a foreign country. She would, without a question or fear.
“I don`t want to stay in the comfortable state of mind”
I am intrigued by her discipline which makes her shine and grow. Most importantly, I’m grateful to be a little part of her life to capture and leave a piece of her in my brand new project that I hope will be ongoing.
Love you and can’t wait to capture the next phase of your life!
Lina
xoxo
FOLLOW Her World:
Instagram:@yui_fjwr5_
Film: “Blue”
Where it took place…
